hey Jealousy

I've noticed an interesting pattern lately. Well, its interesting to me at least.

I really never bring up God, or my faith in company that I am not extremely close with and know they are ok with talking about it, because I know how heated and touchy a subject it can be. Its like my rule as a bartender and many bartenders agree, no ones allowed to talk about politics or religion at my bar if they are even being the least bit disrespectful or angry in their words or tone.

Ive cut sober people off for it hah

Now that does not mean I dont try to spread Gods love to everyone I possibly can. I think its the biggest part of being Christian. But I find if people feel warmth first, they want to know where it comes from. I find, the big words that I find the most confidence and comfort in, are the exact words that tend to scare a ton of people away from finding faith. And that's understandable, and ok, they're too heavy to throw around

So lately, oddly enough the subject has been finding me. In really odd places too. And I have noticed a real pattern. I have had some really hardcore Atheists approach me, at my bar, at shows, random parties, ect. (just a side note I do not try to convert anyone and I fully respect Atheists and anyone of any religion - peace man, hah) It tends to start off with a little hostility in the other person, and I usually just say something like 'thats what I am, it works for me, I hope whatever you have in your life brings you peace and fufills you'. Then I usually get some kind of comment like "how are you a bartender and Christian?" "how are you into hip hop and are Christian?" "how are you walking around in a mini skirt and tall boots and are Christian???" I try to feild them in a lighthearted way, but at the core of it trying to share that I just believe that God isnt petty, that I dont think its about that kinda stuff but more how we treat each other and truely show love. Then I make some joke about how I actually do hope that God enjoys my fashion sense :)

But so many times lately I get this responce.

"I am so jealous".

Its sort of confusing to me! I have been told this by about 6 people in the last month or so. that they are "jealous" of my faith. I dont really know even how to react because I immediately think 'uhhh its not like a car or something its yours too?...whatever you want?' and I want to say 'God loves you just as much as me nothing to be jealous of here!' hah but that would really bug some people out so I usually just say something like "Oh no, it just works for me, makes me feel whole. If its something you're ever pulled twords who I highly suggest blahblah" but try to keep it short, sweet and light.

I guess maybe what some might mean is they are jealous of the experiance I have had with the church? I grew up in a very loving one, went to a great church camp that was not like the scarey ones they make documentrys about. It was all so open minded and even fun! So I am realizing so much as I get older how thankful I am for that. Some of the people who have talked to me shared their experiance in not so kind churches and it really makes me sad. And sadder still that it has made them turn away from something that is so key to my life.

At least in these random chats, and they have been random, esp the cluster that they have come in lately, I have also usually gotten a responce like "wow that actually sounds like a really nice thing, good to know there are some churches that actually sound good out there." hah and I think "of course there are! yikes!". But I can only imagine how stunting it must be to have a bad experience with it, esp as a child.

Ive seen God do some wild stuff lately. Its amazing. Ive had some responces to things I barely even ment to do, so big I barely feel I can handle. But its great.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."


Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles.